Post by LiLisAnAngel on Oct 4, 2003 20:06:20 GMT -5
Yesterday I was at my bf's house, and we are always playfully mad at each other, just joking around.
Well yesterday I thought he was actually mad, but he didn't know I was having a very hard week because I didn't tell him (i never in person talk to anyone about my feelings, i just never did because wen i did they didn't care or didn't understand and they got mad at me for what i told them..)
anyway, i thought he was actually mad, and I was already kind of upset that day, and I got upset, i wasn't upset at him, i know this is confusing, but all at once I just thought of what was making me upset during the week and I just seized up, and almost started crying.
He thought i was mad at him, because I wasn't really talking, cuz I couldn't tell him why or what was wrong without bursting into tears.
Right then his sister came home, so I didn't tell him, went to the bathroom, she went downstairs and I came back into the living room, and he was sitting there, his hands on his head, u know, how people do that when they are upset, anyway, I was like "whats wrong?" hes like "what do you think...your upset at me, I was joking.." i was like "oh..k.." and I sat down thinking "wtf is he talking about?"
And then after 20 minutes of silence, and me trying not to get upset, he finally looked at me, and put his arms around me and almost started crying, and was like "i'm so sorry for whatever I did, I'm so sorry...i'm such an a$$hole...i feel like crap now..i'm so sorry.."
I was like "what? its not your fault, im serious" and he kept saying "it is my fault, your upset because of me, and if it wasn't then what is it? I know it was my fault, I'm so sorry..."
and then after his sister left, we went into his room to talk, and it took me awhile to tell him, but before I told him he's like "oh god...ur not gonna dump me are you?" I just looked at him, and he looked so upset, i was like "OH god NO! I would NEVER do that! this has nothing to do with you!" and then i explained it to him, and i was crying while I was, and then after he felt better because it wasn't his fault but then felt really bad cuz I'm going thru some hard times right now, because this time of year is always the worst for me, because my uncle's 3rd year death anniversary is coming up in November..
But i feel so bad today, i keep thinking about it, and I feel so bad that I basically made him think it was his fault, when it wasn't...I feel SO bad for that it's not even funny, i mean I didn't think he did feel like that, i wasn't really processing much of anything until we talked, and then today i just kept thinking about it and i felt worse and worse and worse ..
But atleast he knows it wasn't cuz of him, but I can't get that picture of him out of my mind, when I walked into the living room, and he was sitting there, staring at the floor, almost crying, his hands kind of on his face/side of face.
Man, i can't believe I made him feel like that
Well yesterday I thought he was actually mad, but he didn't know I was having a very hard week because I didn't tell him (i never in person talk to anyone about my feelings, i just never did because wen i did they didn't care or didn't understand and they got mad at me for what i told them..)
anyway, i thought he was actually mad, and I was already kind of upset that day, and I got upset, i wasn't upset at him, i know this is confusing, but all at once I just thought of what was making me upset during the week and I just seized up, and almost started crying.
He thought i was mad at him, because I wasn't really talking, cuz I couldn't tell him why or what was wrong without bursting into tears.
Right then his sister came home, so I didn't tell him, went to the bathroom, she went downstairs and I came back into the living room, and he was sitting there, his hands on his head, u know, how people do that when they are upset, anyway, I was like "whats wrong?" hes like "what do you think...your upset at me, I was joking.." i was like "oh..k.." and I sat down thinking "wtf is he talking about?"
And then after 20 minutes of silence, and me trying not to get upset, he finally looked at me, and put his arms around me and almost started crying, and was like "i'm so sorry for whatever I did, I'm so sorry...i'm such an a$$hole...i feel like crap now..i'm so sorry.."
I was like "what? its not your fault, im serious" and he kept saying "it is my fault, your upset because of me, and if it wasn't then what is it? I know it was my fault, I'm so sorry..."
and then after his sister left, we went into his room to talk, and it took me awhile to tell him, but before I told him he's like "oh god...ur not gonna dump me are you?" I just looked at him, and he looked so upset, i was like "OH god NO! I would NEVER do that! this has nothing to do with you!" and then i explained it to him, and i was crying while I was, and then after he felt better because it wasn't his fault but then felt really bad cuz I'm going thru some hard times right now, because this time of year is always the worst for me, because my uncle's 3rd year death anniversary is coming up in November..
But i feel so bad today, i keep thinking about it, and I feel so bad that I basically made him think it was his fault, when it wasn't...I feel SO bad for that it's not even funny, i mean I didn't think he did feel like that, i wasn't really processing much of anything until we talked, and then today i just kept thinking about it and i felt worse and worse and worse ..
But atleast he knows it wasn't cuz of him, but I can't get that picture of him out of my mind, when I walked into the living room, and he was sitting there, staring at the floor, almost crying, his hands kind of on his face/side of face.
Man, i can't believe I made him feel like that
dont say things unless u mean it
*hug*
